Solipsism, Msispilos or Emotional Intelligence

Have I peaked your interest?

Let's start with some definitions.

Solipsism is...

• the philosophical idea that one's own mind is all that exists. Solipsism is an epistemological or ontological position that knowledge of anything outside one's own specific mind is unjustified. The external world and other minds cannot be known and might not exist. ... www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsistic

• The philosophical theory that the self is all that you know to exist www.wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

• With consideration only for one's own interest en.wiktionary.org/wiki/solipsistically

• With consideration only for one's own interest en.wiktionary.org/wiki/solipsistically

• the belief that nothing exists except my mind and the creations of my mind.
  
  www.abdn.ac.uk/philosophy/guide/glossary.shtml

Msispilos is

• The philosophical belief that everything except the self exists. http://www.urbandictionary.com
  

Emotional Intelligence...

The Institute of Health and Human Potential (IHHP) defines Emotional Intelligence, or EI, as

"an ability or capacity to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, and of others. Our EQ, or Emotional Quotient, is how one measures Emotional Intelligence. Emotions have the potential to get in the way of our most important business and personal relationships.

According to John Kotter of Harvard Business School,

“Because of the furious pace of change in business today, difficult to manage relationships sabotage more business than anything else - it is not a question of strategy that gets us into trouble; it is a question of emotions.”

I recently talked with an entrepreneur - a very, very successful entrepreneur by the way - who demonstrated tremendous emotional intelligence. He was quite decisive and yet he factored in others' thoughts and ideas, dreams and recommendations. He did this personally and professionally.

I'd like to share his personal story. The entrepreneur and his wife decided to adopt a baby. Traveling to Eastern Europe they visited an orphanage. Here he and his wife were virtually surrounded by more than one hundred infants in need of adoption. The busy care givers were shoving several crying babies at a time into their arms. Overwhelmed, he decided to sit on the floor and just observe. As he sat, an infant boy crawled near to him and sat back to watch. The only child not crying, he looked around and made eye contact with the man and then resumed quietly surveying the scene around him. An old soul of eight months. The next morning, a care giver brought several children out and the quiet child was among them. His wife reached for the child and the child moved into her arms smiling. You guessed it, they adopted the boy. Today the child is almost four. Full of fun, bright beyond belief and his father's best friend.

For me this really put Solipsism, Msispilos and Emotional Intelligence into perspective. If he had been solipsistic, he might not have even wanted to adopt a child. If he had been msispilostic, he might have taken a very needy and challenging child. Because of his emotional intelligence, he found a child that he and his wife could love and would love them back.

The more I read about these concepts, the more I realize that we often trap ourselves into this world of solipsis - self interest that is so limiting that it hurts us at all levels. Or, when we engage in msispilos -other-orientation that we lose total confidence, respect and awareness for self. Two extremes that certainly are not particular useful. While emotional intelligence, transcends and embraces the philosophy that we "assess, perceive and manage" our awareness of self and others. Powerful.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - A Framework for Individual and Organizational Success

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, than I warn you that you’ll be unhappy for the rest of your life.”

Abraham Maslow (1908-1970)

Abraham Maslow is considered to the Father of Humanistic Psychology and the Father of Modern Management.

Above is one rendering of Dr. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. This pyramid has relevance to our personal and business lives. In order to be successful in all aspects of life, individuals (and actually organization) need to climb this ladder in steps.

Physical needs such as water, food, sleep and exercise are basics for individual success. Think of the organization as also need very specific physical needs. People, cash, physical space. (specifics) Seems simple to identify but often the most overlooked and valued.

Security needs such as need for order and rules to guide actions now become the next step as we ascend the pyramid. There are core values and systems that are needed for us individually. Every company those same requirement. The degree that those core values and processes & systems are defined and respected demonstrate how effective and productive individuals and organizations will function and thrive.

Social needs are love, affection, belongingness and freedom from fear are the middle of the hierarchy of needs. At this the midpoint of the hierarchy, the types of emotions and interactions are based on certain key motivators. Individual and organizations respond to degrees of being cared for, nurtured and included.

Esteem needs are self respect and esteem of others . This will reflect the health of our personal relationships as well as the health of our organizational relationships; how well employees, partners and community members relate and work together. Another way to describe this level is to using Daniel Goleman's four skills of emotional intelligence:
self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management to help address individual and organizational esteem.

Self Actualization Needs are the fulfillment of individual (and organizational) abilities. This is the pinnacle of the pyramid. At this level there is the demonstration that the physical, security, social and esteem needs are met at the individual or organization are fully actualized.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs provides a great framework for both individual and organizational success.

Circumstances

A nineteenth century author and philosopher, James Allen wrote this fabulous quote:

"Circumstances don't make the man,
they reveal him."

I notice all too often that we move into the mode of conversation that reveals how effective we are handling life and work.

What do these following situations and comments reveal?

An important meeting suddenly scheduled at the end of the day...

"It's been a really long day and I am tired and hungry I hope this meeting doesn't take long."

versus

"I looking forward to this meeting, I know we have an important agenda."

Meeting with your boss in a planning meeting...

"I'm not sure what is expected of me, just tell me what you want me to do."

versus

"I've done some research about the issues and am prepared to offer some pertinent information."

You've been emailing someone with whom you have a strained relationship and are not getting a response. (the person's office is down the hall)

This has been going on for several weeks and you tell someone else...
"I don't know what's wrong with that person, they are not responding to my emails."

versus

After an appropriate time, you walk into the person's office and say...
"Just wanted to check in with you on the issues that I emailed you about earlier this week. I'd really appreciate you thoughts and suggestions."

Getting the idea. These are day to day events, what happens when we are faced with really challenging situations? I really am becoming aware of how these ordinary situations reveal us. How will you be revealed in the truly significant events and situations in life?

Decisions Require Courage

"The acorn becomes an oak by means of automatic growth; no commitment is necessary. The kitten similarly becomes a cat on the basis of instinct. Nature and being are identical in creatures like them. But a man or woman becomes fully human only by his or her choices and his or her commitment to them. People attain worth and dignity by the multitude of decisions they make from day by day. These decisions require courage."

Rollo May, 20th Century Existential Psychologist

Promoting Health & Wealth - My Performance Nets My Results

As we evaluate our Wheels of Life, what becomes even more evident how much thought, or lack thereof, goes into how we are performing to achieve the results-The Success - that we want out of life. Our performance is directly related to our level of competence. Even more importantly, our performance is absolutely linked to our belief in ourselves and our abilities to accomplish what we really want.

Behavior studies show that our mind functions between the conscious and subconscious level - once again, I'd like to reiterate that on average we operate only about 10% in the conscious realm. Our performance therefore is generally 90% in the subconscious or HABITUAL state. Keeping this information in mind, I realize that treating results achievement as a process rather than random events actually increases my degree of success and positive outcomes. Very simple concept which takes a tremendous amount of focus, planning, personal accountability, flexibility and honest reflection.

For me, the most important competency is honest reflection can be summed up by in the words of James Allen, author of As a Man Thinketh, English poet and philosopher.

Circumstances don't not make the man, they reveal him.

How we respond to circumstances, events, situations that show up for us is a direct correlation to how successful we will be in our work and life.

One how to that I practice daily is to journal about my results. I use my time with a journal to write, reflect, evaluate and measure to become more conscious of those behaviors that I own which have caused me to fail and/or succeed. One of those behaviors that I find shows up for me, and as I work more and more with others I find it is showing up for them too, is that our response often times is defensive (again, think of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs - the need for safety and security.) Whenever I perform from a defensive position, I immediately sense that I am at a disadvantage and my results are certainly affected. Therefore, it becomes important for me to think and act more proactively.

Let's think about the word proactivity (defintiion according to The Dictionary by Farlex)

1. tending to initiate change rather than reacting to events

2. (Psychology) Psychol of or denoting a mental process that affects a subsequent process

This simple how-to approach is to Act As If. This becomes great way for me to net very different and much more successful results.

Act As If:

• I am willing to learn from mistakes
• I am excited about the new job, new assignment, new idea
• I am a great leader, team player
• The other person has a right to their opinion.
• That others have great ideas too

Practicing this Act As If approach often transforms my results most times almost instantaneously. How about giving it a try and let me know how it works for you?

All the best in health and wealth,

Laura