Focus on the Ability to Respond - Be Self Actualizing

Focusing on the potential in ourselves and in every situation can totally change how one may respond in any given situation. James Allen, a nineteenth century philosopher and author of nineteen books, one being As a Man Thinketh, wrote "Circumstances don't make a man, they reveal him."

In the twentieth century, Dr. Abraham Maslow was a pioneer in transformational psychology and defined 'self-actualizing' individuals as "people who seek the frontiers of creativity and strive to reach higher levels of consciousness and wisdom. "

A 23 year old woman was critically injured in a hit and run accident. Paralyzed from mid-chest to her toes, married she now has two young children (both born after the accident), drives, manages her home, drives, gardens. Extremely social, when this young woman attends a party she lights up the room. No one notices the wheel chair or her frail body - all they see is her.

William Shakespeare -

"The choices we make, dictate the life that we lead."

Life keeps throwing us different circumstances big and small. Sometimes, little things seem really big and if we constantly react as if something is happening to us or around us as if we have little or no control then we a revealing our inability to respond. If on the other hand, we behave in a manner that is responsive and thoughtful, appreciating that we have the potential to handle any circumstances that come our way - then we become fully actualized.

"Quiet Desperation" or Contribution, Courage and Committment

If we listen to the news, conversations, or even that little voice in our heads, we may think and even believe that there is not much to hope for. As a result, we often times move into living our lives, as Thoreau would say, in "quiet desperation."

"Quiet desperation" is showing up in work or life in a constant state of panic or apathy. A "what's the use" attitude permeates all the we think and feel and as a result, we barely function. Conversations become superficial. Work and life have no value or purpose. Productivity and effectiveness suffer.

With three small shifts, we can regain control of our lives, our work and our joy and move past this "quiet desperation."

1. Contribution. Appreciate our skills and abilities is absolutely essential. Reviewing our experiences, talents and attributes will help us to evaluate what tools and assets we have in our tools kits. These capabilities are uniquely special for each of us and we have an obligation and an opportunity to share them each and every day. Anthony Robbins has a wonderful quote that says it all “It is not what we get, but who we become, what we contribute, that gives meaning to our lives.”

2. Courage. Owning our abilities and strengths now becomes a responsibility. Stepping out and stepping up can take a tremendous amount of effort and energy and yet if we do not, we have lost total control. As Susan Jeffers says it so eloquently in her book by the same title, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.

3. Commitment. Being committed to sharing are personal best is the turning point. There is a line from Og Mandino's wonderful book called the Twelfth Angel, "Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better." If and when we agree to face each, moment, each day, each event with this thought, I believe we can live our lives to the fullest.

"Quiet desperation" or contribute, courage and commitment, it's a choice.

Labels Can Be Limiting

"If you label me, you negate me."
Soren Kierkegaard

A nineteenth century philosopher, Kierkegaard works focused on personal choices and commitment. This quote in particular has stayed with me over the years. Labeling can be a very limiting behavior. By assigning a label to ourselves and other, we in reality can be limiting ourselves and others.

Being aware of behaviors, now that seems to be more appropriate. Consider a person who achieved success in acting and then become successful in dealing with paralysis after a devastating accident - Christopher Reeves. His label didn't make him successful. His choices and behaviors did that.

I believe it is healthier for us to consider actions and behaviors. Valuing what we can see and relate to is certainly much more significant than ascribing a label that quite honestly is just that - a label and can really be very limiting.

The person who chooses to live with little or no possessions and can live on the streets may in reality have made a conscious choice to live humbly.