"I Don't Know." Is NOT an Excuse

Businesses, communities, marriages, careers, lives are suffering, deteriorating or being destroyed everyday in so many ways. And, although there are numerous causes of this suffering, deterioration and destruction, I am consistently receiving this response as one major contributors - "I don't know."

We define ourselves by our thoughts, words and actions. What are we conveying to others when we say we don't know?

We need to question and ask why we are saying "I don't know my responsibilities in my career, my community or family." If we agree to a role or a job, we need to be crystal clear about what we have agreed to or signed up for. If we are the CEO, president, owner, employee, spouse, parent or volunteer, it is imperative for us to have the expectations clearly laid out before we agree to the position.

Recently, I caught a segment of a reality television show - I honestly can't tell you the name - but the show was about an expectant mother who was seeking help from an expert about becoming a new parent. The good news was she was asking for help in advance - She was scheduled to deliver the following Monday and her meeting with this expert was taking place on the preceding Friday, not quite 3 full days before she would bring into the world a brand new baby. To follow is the bad news...

The expert started with a basic intake assessment to determine how much help and information this new mother-to-be needed. The nine month pregnant woman was not able to answer one question correctly, nor could she demonstrate on a doll how she could care for a totally dependent infant. When the expert asked her to show changing a baby's diaper, she asked, "I have to do THAT?"

The expert decided to take a different approach and here is how the interview continued.

Expert, "Will you have help?"

Mother-to-be response, "Oh, yes we have hired a nanny."

Expert, "Is she going to live in?"

Mother-to-be response, "On, no, she's only here during the day or when we are away."

The expert turned to the audience and mouthed, "She doesn't have a clue."

The sad part of this entire scenario for me is that this response is so, so typical. People jump into situations and don't have any ideas of their responsibilities or roles and that is just a disaster waiting to happen. We have to stop using "I don't know" as an answer and start coming in prepared with research, education, questions and an interest in learning more.

Let's start taking ownership instead of looking for the easy way out or believe me, we will be learning some really hard lessons.

How Clear Are You on What You Really, Really Want?

One would think that when a person is asked what they really, really want in work, in life, in a relationship, that the response would be immediate. Surprisingly, or perhaps, not so surprising, the responses are: silence... or "Let me think for a minute," or more sadly, "I really don't take time to think about what I really want, I'm too busy doing."

Silence or "Let me think for a minute"...

These two are interesting responses. They to me indicate that the person is stopped short for several reasons.

1. Genuinely, I need time to give a thoughtful response because it is important to me
2. Actually, I am afraid to express what I really want
   
3. I need to think about a response that will sound interesting and important enough to share and impress you
   
4. I don't trust you and so I'm not willing to share

This third response, "I really don't take time to think about what I really want, I'm too busy doing," indicates several things to me.

1. I'm not worthy of investing thinking time in myself to fully appreciate what I really want
2. I'm not used to stopping all the crazy busyness to think
   
3. I'm clueless to how important understanding what I really want is to me and to anyone involved with me
   

Whatever the reasons or stories we have for not clarifying what we really want, it has become profoundly clearly to me, that this is one of our greatest limiting factors in success in business and joy in life. The more I am clear about what I want, the more likely I am to attract that want (positive or negative into my life).

And so, I am leaving you with this question, "What do you really, really want out of ...?"

Or in the words of Henry David Thoreau....will you "live your life in quiet desperation."

7 How-to's to Inspire Dynamic Energy for Extraordinary Results

Have you ever walked into a room, meeting, conference or ... and felt like the air was being sucked out of you? When this feeling happens, thoughts become clouded, ideas stifled and energy is at an all time low.

How do we turn this around? Especially, if we cannot leave the situation.

Here are some how-to's that I have learned and am continuing to learn:

1. Wear something bright. If the day feels dark and dreary and you are going into an environment that is darker and drearier add color - bright tie, shoes, jewelry, socks - if you are more daring - add color to shirt, dress, or whatever makes you think and feel more energy.
2. Walk taller. Yes, square those shoulders and extend your neck. One of the first things I notice is how someone enters a room - is there head down, shoulders hunched and eyes focused on the floor or are holding themselves with confidence, ease and pride. Check yourself out in a mirror and practice walking tall. Always a great energy producer for me.
3. SMILE. Make sure that the smile reaches your eyes. Feel the lines ease out of your face, except for those "laugh lines" which are well earned, around your eyes. People notice a smile and automatically connect in a much more positive manner.
4. Adopt a Positive Attitude. This is easier said than done and yet with mental conditioning we can turn even the worst situation into an adventure and a valuable learning experience.
5. Be prepared. Go into the meeting, conference, day with some information about what you might be getting into. Although this sounds obvious, I am noticing more and more that people sign up and show up without deciding what they want or need to get from the experience. I generally review the team members, agenda or anything else that might impact the me, positively or negatively.
6. Identify 3 benefits that will happen as a result of you attending. The key to getting extraordinary results, is clarifying those results in advance. It always amazed me to find that people have such low expectations of themselves and others. As soon as I have identified the benefits to me, I become galvanized to take get going. Meeting someone new, hearing a new idea, learning something different - powerful and truly inspiring for me.
7. Finally, Give yourself space. If you can't, won't don't need to attend or show up, give yourself permission for quiet time. Become aware of what might be affecting your energy, thoughts and actions - believe me - I'd rather stay home than to drain others or my energy. Also, I want to be a contribution not a detriment.
   

Seven simple ways to inspire dynamic energy. Now go forth and generate dynamic energy.

Solipsism, Msispilos or Emotional Intelligence

Have I peaked your interest?

Let's start with some definitions.

Solipsism is...

• the philosophical idea that one's own mind is all that exists. Solipsism is an epistemological or ontological position that knowledge of anything outside one's own specific mind is unjustified. The external world and other minds cannot be known and might not exist. ... www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsistic

• The philosophical theory that the self is all that you know to exist www.wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

• With consideration only for one's own interest en.wiktionary.org/wiki/solipsistically

• With consideration only for one's own interest en.wiktionary.org/wiki/solipsistically

• the belief that nothing exists except my mind and the creations of my mind.
  
  www.abdn.ac.uk/philosophy/guide/glossary.shtml

Msispilos is

• The philosophical belief that everything except the self exists. http://www.urbandictionary.com
  

Emotional Intelligence...

The Institute of Health and Human Potential (IHHP) defines Emotional Intelligence, or EI, as

"an ability or capacity to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, and of others. Our EQ, or Emotional Quotient, is how one measures Emotional Intelligence. Emotions have the potential to get in the way of our most important business and personal relationships.

According to John Kotter of Harvard Business School,

“Because of the furious pace of change in business today, difficult to manage relationships sabotage more business than anything else - it is not a question of strategy that gets us into trouble; it is a question of emotions.”

I recently talked with an entrepreneur - a very, very successful entrepreneur by the way - who demonstrated tremendous emotional intelligence. He was quite decisive and yet he factored in others' thoughts and ideas, dreams and recommendations. He did this personally and professionally.

I'd like to share his personal story. The entrepreneur and his wife decided to adopt a baby. Traveling to Eastern Europe they visited an orphanage. Here he and his wife were virtually surrounded by more than one hundred infants in need of adoption. The busy care givers were shoving several crying babies at a time into their arms. Overwhelmed, he decided to sit on the floor and just observe. As he sat, an infant boy crawled near to him and sat back to watch. The only child not crying, he looked around and made eye contact with the man and then resumed quietly surveying the scene around him. An old soul of eight months. The next morning, a care giver brought several children out and the quiet child was among them. His wife reached for the child and the child moved into her arms smiling. You guessed it, they adopted the boy. Today the child is almost four. Full of fun, bright beyond belief and his father's best friend.

For me this really put Solipsism, Msispilos and Emotional Intelligence into perspective. If he had been solipsistic, he might not have even wanted to adopt a child. If he had been msispilostic, he might have taken a very needy and challenging child. Because of his emotional intelligence, he found a child that he and his wife could love and would love them back.

The more I read about these concepts, the more I realize that we often trap ourselves into this world of solipsis - self interest that is so limiting that it hurts us at all levels. Or, when we engage in msispilos -other-orientation that we lose total confidence, respect and awareness for self. Two extremes that certainly are not particular useful. While emotional intelligence, transcends and embraces the philosophy that we "assess, perceive and manage" our awareness of self and others. Powerful.